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I have a question for you

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I was brought up by my Momma to hold a door open for a lady when one was entering or leaving a store.  Momma said is was good manners.  I’m always amazed by the number of ladies that won’t even say “Thank you” whenever I do that.

Is this out of fashion, style, a breach of modern etiquette  and/or out of line in this day and age?

64 thoughts on “I have a question for you”

  1. Any number of women I know appreciate it, but I feel awkward about it–it’s a holdover from the days when a woman was assumed to need help with all kinds of absurd things she could have done herself, thanks, if society hadn’t told her she shouldn’t. I much prefer to open my own doors, although I do appreciate it when someone ahead of me holds one long enough that it doesn’t slam in front of me, and I’ll do the same for anyone coming after me. It’s nothing personal and no insult intended, and I do understand that we live in transitional times, when we don’t all agree on a single set of rules to live by, which is awkward for all of us.

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    1. nice thoughts. I’m not too sure about the assumption of a woman needing help but maybe you are right that it’s the basis. I was raised that it was a sign of respect to a woman so I view it in that manner versus someone not being capable of opening the door themselves. if that makes any sort of sense.

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      1. It does make sense. The problem, I think, is that as a culture we’re all over the map about how we understand it. On the one hand, I appreciate where the gesture comes from. On the other hand, for myself, I don’t really appreciate the gesture. It’s awkward all around.

        On the other hand, like I said, I know a lot of women who like it when men do that.

        It’s a difficult old world.

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  2. I think it is extremely polite. In fact, I think it is common curtesy and shows respect for another human being. I hold the door open for men and women alike. Not saying thank you is plain rude. I think that some people who don’t say thank you may feel they are entitled. I’ve been known on occasion to simply say to them, “you’re welcome.” I wait for either a sneer or an “Oh, yes, thank you.” I can handle both. 🙂

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  4. Wow, where are our manners these days? I still appreciate & thank anyone who opens a door for me 😊.

    I just think we are living in a society where etiquette is no longer taught in schools or even home. It’s sad really..

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  5. I don’t know why some people get their panties in a twist over this. I’ll hold doors open for anyone, and I get a little butthurt when they just stalk off like they were entitled to it. I have to remind myself that I’m not doing it for their thanks. Do they NEED me to open the door for them? Nope. But kindness? Who doesn’t need summa that?

    And when people hold it open for me? (Usually dudes, because some people are still raising their boys to be gentlemen.) I’m always truly thankful, so I say thanks. Did I NEED the door opened? No. But it sure as hell is nice to know that there are kind, giving people out there. And for that, I’m grateful.

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  6. I love when the door is opened for me! And I am very thankful. I love when a man walks on the outside of the street, I love when heavy bags are taken from me, and I love when I am given the seat on the Subway. But sometimes younger women feel that you are being condescending by opening the door, like they are too weak or not able to do it themselves. I don’t have a problem with men being chivalrous towards me, in fact I expect it. To each his own I guess.

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      3. This question totally reminds me of an episode of Golden Girls, when Blanche starts dating a widower and he thinks that he needs to treat her like a liberated woman, I believe that is there terminology used. And she says, “Oh you thought I wanted to be treated as your equal? No sweetheart, I want to treated better than you! Like a goddess who likes bar hopping!”. I love that show!

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      4. the golden girls remind me a lot of my aunts and my step dad’s sisters (who I called my aunts too). I loved them all to pieces and always admired their confidence

        I have no problem with a woman aspiring to better herself and I certainly don’t feel threatened by them. but I think it’s so wrong to get so wrapped up in “feminism” or being “socially acceptable” that we forget that women should also be treated like ladies and not like men. it seems so wrong and so disrespectful to me to treat a woman otherwise. in the same breath, I think it’s so bad mannered to not say thank you to anyone whenever someone does something for you.

        now show me a woman who acts like a Goddess instead of a “privileged princess” and I’ll say that’s a treasure and a keeper.

        maybe that makes no sense.

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      5. I think sometimes it’s a thin line to tread when you want to treated fairly and when being that same goddess is taken for a weakness instead of a strength. And I want to say I agree with equality. It is something that every generation here seems to struggle with and we haven’t found the balance yet. And common decency means that you say thank you when someone does something for you.

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      6. I work with and have worked with a goodly number of women and my preference is working with a smart, confident, take charge kinda lady. but I’m still a dude with all of my faults and lust in my heart and I will still look and think “Ooooooo, nice ___________” (fill in the blank)

        But I still try to be mindful of the manners that my Momma taught me and I’d really hate to have her come back and haunt me for something that I didn’t do.

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      10. I view her as a woman who has been steeled by problems with life and she wants women who are younger than her to do better in life and not to be taken advantage of like she had been. I think she tries to teach this the best way that she knows how even tho they sometimes fail. but what’s funny is watching her go after someone who is hurting or trying to get over on any of the three. I’m always like “Get em!!!”

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  7. Ohhh that is a pet peeve of mine- what does it take to say thank you when someone is nice? It’s like they expect it. Ugh! Same as when you are driving and let someone go and they don’t wave “thanks”. I give them the benefit of the doubt and think they must be having a bad day and are preoccupied or something that I should feel sorry for them instead of wanting to smack them in the head!! LOL

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  9. I’ve taught my son to hold the door for me and his sisters and I always say thank you.
    If I go out with hubby I let him go first and I go second. 😊

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  10. I was raised by a Master Sgt., who demonstrated the Rules of a Gentleman. Later in life, I found the Rules in a list, which I find useful for questions like this. Rule #4 is “Opening a door for a lady is not optional.” To me, this means a true gentleman, who assumes a woman is a lady until proven otherwise, doesn’t much care if they say thank you, though ’tis always the mark of a true lady to do so. The point is, you’ve done your duty; what they do is irrelevant, except as an indicator of their own standards

    gigoid….

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  12. To ME? The LADIES will thank you. The rest are rude broads who were apparently raised in a barn. I always thank a fellow who holds a door for me, but then my momma taught me manners. Keep on being a gentleman, those ladies of us left appreciate it!

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  13. A few things I reckon … sense of entitlement. While confidence in asserting who you are as a person and a woman is gangstah in its own right … I think they missed the last part of the course that talks about being a decent human being … and when someone does something nice for you … asked for, or not … it’s good to acknowledge it.

    The manners you were taught though, are almost extinct!

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  15. Hi Jim! I think it depends on where you live… so I refer to it as “Regional Courtesy.” Here in Alabama where I live Jeff Sessions will open a door for you, all the while scanning your RFID credit card chips so he can run your ID through the FBI Most Wanted database… I call that “Regional/Motivational Courtesy.” I also believe that the “Big Orange Yam,” occupying the White House, would never open a door for anyone without lying about it and receiving a tax cut/deregulation… I call that “Being Republican.” seriously, I think people are very nice except the touchy ones.
    ^^ Buffalo Tom

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  16. For me there is always a thank you for anyone that holds the door but also for me it should be the first one at the door opens and the one behind holds while first goes thru. That doesn’t really need a thank you but I still do it when someone behind holds too. ~~dru~~

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  18. I always say thank you when someone hold’s the door and I hold the door for people too and usually they say thank you. But then I live down south where people have manners 😉

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  20. I always hold the door open for people walking behind me. Most say thank you, some completely ignore me. I don’t think it’s a case of gender and feminism, as many people think. It’s more a case of self-absorption.

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