Saturday Night

I ache tonight.  My left arm, my left hip, my left leg, my right shoulder, my right knee.  They’ve all decided to rebel against me.  My left arm refuses to work properly and I have maybe 50% of normal range of motion.  My right leg/knee is starting to rebel against having to help carry most of my weight.  As for my right shoulder; I’ll be happy if it doesn’t blow out before the end of December let alone the end of next January.  My left leg wants to pigeon toe in when I walk.  I hate it and I hate feeling broken.

I read back to myself what I’ve written above and it reads to me like I’m whining like a little school boy.  I hate that even more.  I force a smile and positive attitude whenever my family is around.  I won’t let myself feel like I’m letting them down or let them know just how much I hurt.  I’m now off all of the opioids.  I go back to my mindfulness now to help me re-find my center when I need to.  I hope that it will be an easy day tomorrow.  I’m glad that I made friends with the staff.  They know that I’m off of the juice now.  I hope that I don’t need to ring them in the night.  I’d hate doing that too.


16 responses to “Saturday Night

  1. I can understand how you think about this. It will be better I hope. One day you get back to normal days. Then you maybe will think, oh it was nice being taken care of when I was in the hospital and forget how your thoughts goes now. “Pling”

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  2. You men are all the same. It’s okie to take the tablets . No pain means you can do more physio which in turns means you’ll get stronger quicker. No pain tablets you’re going to feel pain and not doing your exercise. 😩

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  3. If you DO have to ring them, remember that’s what they are there for. And you hurt so badly (all over) because you’re not taking the pain killers any more. You’ll feel better and better (and I bet gain strength) as each day passes. No it’s not easy, but focus on the therapy and that seems to take one’s mind off how horrid they feel. Well it worked for me and I’m a far bigger baby about that stuff – a big baby with a foul mouth – than you. When I accepted that I was broken and possibly would be for a long time, I stopped being so concerned about it. And you can always blog your blues away…you have quite a cheering section! Including me! 😛

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