Saturday Night

I ache tonight.  My left arm, my left hip, my left leg, my right shoulder, my right knee.  They’ve all decided to rebel against me.  My left arm refuses to work properly and I have maybe 50% of normal range of motion.  My right leg/knee is starting to rebel against having to help carry most of my weight.  As for my right shoulder; I’ll be happy if it doesn’t blow out before the end of December let alone the end of next January.  My left leg wants to pigeon toe in when I walk.  I hate it and I hate feeling broken.

I read back to myself what I’ve written above and it reads to me like I’m whining like a little school boy.  I hate that even more.  I force a smile and positive attitude whenever my family is around.  I won’t let myself feel like I’m letting them down or let them know just how much I hurt.  I’m now off all of the opioids.  I go back to my mindfulness now to help me re-find my center when I need to.  I hope that it will be an easy day tomorrow.  I’m glad that I made friends with the staff.  They know that I’m off of the juice now.  I hope that I don’t need to ring them in the night.  I’d hate doing that too.