I sit here with only some light coming from the hutch and ponder where I am and where I’ve been over the past 9 – 10 months. I’m so tired tonight. My legs hurt from exercise and my head hurts as always. The dull pain in my head just doesn’t ever want to go away. I keep telling myself to keep pushing for another hour and then for another hour and then another followed by another repeating the cycle over and over again. It would be so easy at times to give in and give up to my demons and just let the inevitable wash over me like an incoming tide.
And I think about last June when I struggled just to walk in my yard. and how I had to teach myself to walk once again and falling down in the yard. at least the grass was soft and cool when I laid there before picking myself back up once again. It was a mile a day goal which turned rapidly into 2 which rapidly advanced to 5 miles a day. Every once in a while it’s hard just to make that.
Something is keeping that little flicker of flame called “Hope” burning. I feel like I fooled myself into believing that there was something at the end of all this. I don’t really know if there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. I hope there is. It’s time for bed and to flush this day. Tomorrow is another new day.
I hear ya Bigfoot. I’ll quit whining even tho I sometimes hate being back in the world.