I sit here with only some light coming from the hutch and ponder where I am and where I’ve been over the past 9 – 10 months. I’m so tired tonight. My legs hurt from exercise and my head hurts as always. The dull pain in my head just doesn’t ever want to go away. I keep telling myself to keep pushing for another hour and then for another hour and then another followed by another repeating the cycle over and over again. It would be so easy at times to give in and give up to my demons and just let the inevitable wash over me like an incoming tide.
And I think about last June when I struggled just to walk in my yard. and how I had to teach myself to walk once again and falling down in the yard. at least the grass was soft and cool when I laid there before picking myself back up once again. It was a mile a day goal which turned rapidly into 2 which rapidly advanced to 5 miles a day. Every once in a while it’s hard just to make that.
Something is keeping that little flicker of flame called “Hope” burning. I feel like I fooled myself into believing that there was something at the end of all this. I don’t really know if there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. I hope there is. It’s time for bed and to flush this day. Tomorrow is another new day.
I hear ya Bigfoot. I’ll quit whining even tho I sometimes hate being back in the world.
I am so ready to stab the eyes out of the Ice Maiden. “Yes” my patience has ran thin and “Yes” this is probably incessant whining on my part. I really don’t want to see any more “Winter Storm Warnings” until next December. OK, that’s my rant for today.
Critter Report: I finally saw the creature that is wandering my yard after dark. I went to take a look to see if any of the bunnies were feeding and I see this black thing doing a low crawl under my deck. I grabbed a Mini Mag flashlight and lo and behold it’s a orange and white Tomcat. There was no collar so I’m assuming that’s feral. I’m also assuming it’s slinking in to either grab some of the field mice eating the bird seed the birds throw on the ground or maybe make a quick grab for a bunny. It’s doing no real harm so I’ll leave it alone and let it do some mouse control for me. I think I’ll refer to it as “Garfield” from here on out.
All of my work is caught up so I have time to kill to do some things around the house. It helps my mood which has been going somewhat downhill lately. I think warmer weather and a chance to bird some birdhouses, work in my garden and start laying out some improvements will go a long ways to keeping spirits up or getting them back up to where they should be.
I have to do a much better job of reading posts from the people that I follow.
I keep reading the news out of DC and I keep rolling my eyes. I’m ready to head to the Bitterroot or similar places.