How I’m gonna explain the bump on my noggin

Here’s five different explanations since my oldest will freak a bit once she sees the bump on my forehead.

1. A horde of flying space monkeys attacked my neighbor and I had to do the neighborly thing by coming to his aid in his hour of need.  My military training kicked in and I reacted first and asked questions later.  We defended the Earth from an outer space menace and the world is safe once again.

2. One of my neighbors is an aspiring pitcher for the Chicago Cubs and one of his practice pitches got away from his catcher and “BONK!” it was on the noggin.  To placate me and keep me from suing him, he promised me some really good seats when he pitches in the Cubs next World Series.

3. The birds went crazy just like they did in the Hitchcock movie and a Sparrow connected with my head.  You can ask me what the airspeed is of an unladen Sparrow but I’d have to ask if you were asking about an African or English Sparrow.  You have to know these things when you’re the king, you know.

4. Some lady’s husband confused me for her boy friend and landed one on me.  He looks worse cuz I totally kicked some butt.  Jason would be proud of my ninja like moves.  Gary would be surprised that I can still do them at this age of my life.  The guy’s wife almost always looks totally awesome in high heels and a skirt.

5. A volcano erupted in downtown Minneapolis and I rushed in to rescue homeless puppies at a shelter.  I’m one of those people who would rather think of others before myself.

All of these are totally awesome and I’m sure she’ll easily buy into anyone of these explanations.