My Letter to Santa


Dear Santa,

Once again I put thoughts to electrons in an extremely weak and exasperating attempt to get a wish list to you.  Whatever you do this year, don’t bring your sleigh around my neighborhood this year.  I have neighbors who deer hunt and who voted for Trump and there’s no telling what knuckleheaded thing that they’ll do next.  For all I know they’ll see Donner and Blitzen and that other reindeer’s red nose and open fire with their deer rifles and we’ll all think we’re in an episode of “The Walking Dead“.  That’s not gonna be a good thing no matter how you slice it and dice it.

Once again I’m only gonna ask for this one thing (see picture below) in the style and colour that I want it in.  No, I don’t want any more stupid socks from my sister nor Caribou or Starbucks coffee gift cards from the kids.  Lord know they know that I don’t go into those places and order something obnoxious like a Caramel Macchiato, Venti Skim, Extra Shot, Extra Hot, Extra Whip, Sugar Free.  Just what in the hell is this?  Let’s get this straight; it’s boiling hot water over ground coffee beans.  You and I both know they only give me these cards cuz they know I won’t use them and I’ll just end up giving them right back so they can use them for their Gawd only knows what the hell it is coffee that they always seem to be carrying around.

Where was I?  Oh yeh …

Anywho, don’t show up lest there’s on helluva BBQ for New Years.  Just FedEx the receipt to me and have Motorwerks contact me when it’s ready for pickup.  Let’s get this right this year and no more screwing around.

Jim

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