Dear Canadians


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Six years ago … that would be what in the metric system???  Multiply by what and divide by what?  Oh crap.  That’s like engineer math.  Never mind. Where was I?  Oh yeh.

Six years ago, Rush Limbaugh threatened to leave the US of A  and move to Costa Rica if the Affordable Care Act passed.  Guess what?  It passed and Rush is still here.  And I’m still waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting for him to leave.  I’m also still waiting for the world to end because it passed and that hasn’t happened either.

What the hell?  Does he need help packing?  Is someone trying to tell me he can’t afford the move?  What the hell happened?  Did they raise the taxes down there?  Did they sell  out all of the good ocean front property?  Yanno, I’m a patient kinda guy but I do have my limits.

And now we’re hearing about Americans … or as I like to call em ‘Muricans … are threatening to move to The Great White North if “The Donald” wins our election.  And oh you Canadians are such good neighbors with your well bred manners and pre-move welcomes and keen words of advice.  But don’t tease me none.  You know and I know that you’re gonna use those Yanks that move there as bait for your bear traps.  I can hear ya now …

Oh yeh Yank, we have real polite bears here.  All ya have to do is sit here with your camera and a Molson and Yogi will come right over and pose real good for ya, yanno eh?”

And then …

“Hey, that was pretty funny yanno?  Let’s try them out on lobsters and see how many latch on.  Get some water on the boil and get some more beer, eh?”

I can’t get that lucky in life!  Hell, I’d go on tour to Ontario or to BC and bring my camera just to watch it and then laugh with ya when they fell for it.

Please, please, please don’t encourage them.  All they’re gonna do is move there and screw up the CFL leaving me nothing to watch in between Arena Football and college football.  I can only watch just so much TV where some guy in really bad plaid slacks smacks a little white ball up and down a grassy field.

Be good neighbors.  Encourage them to move to Costa Rica with Rush instead.

I wanna be a Ninja just like Jason


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I wanna be a Ninja just like Jason.  I wanna jump up and down, wear a cool black outfit, have a cool sword and hear scary sounds coming out of my mouth.

Then again … if you hear scary sounds coming out of my mouth it will more than likely be screams of pain due to me jumping up and down like a crazed fool.  My back will be going “snap”, “crackle”, “pop” as I do those wild Ninja moves.

“Snap”, “Crackle”, “Pop”?  I won’t be a Ninja.  I’ll be Rice Krispies.