1. Well, there’s always Christmas to look forward to. I’m just hoping Santa brings me something other than a lump of coal for my stocking. A blonde or brunette floozy works for me instead Santa. Oh yeh. It has to be an actual woman too and not some guy in a wig.
2. Just thinking of all of the exercise that I’m gonna get for being outdoors and removing that white stuff off of my driveway and sidewalk. I’ll be so buff and toned by the end of the season. That is if I don’t have a heart attack or stroke first.
3. I get to watch the Soccer Moms and the Soccer Dads go screaming by on snow packed roads while driving in their Soccer SUVs. Later on down the road I get a Nelson “HA HA!” moment when I see they slid off the road.
4. I get to use my fireplace … a lot. I turn it up, put on my shorts, close my eyes and imagine I’m someplace else. Some place warm. That aint here in the middle of January.
5. Where else can you go where you come for the weather and stay because your car won’t start???
6. I get to listen to people ask and try to convince me to go ice fishing out in that God awful bitter weather. Why would I wanna go fish for ice? I have an ice maker in my fridge. Why would I wanna go out in the friggen cold ass weather to get ice when I can stay nice and toasty warm indoors? What a dumb ass thing to ask someone.
7. I get to punch someone dead in the face when they ask me “Well, is it cold enough for you?” No dumbass. A wind chill of -45*F is never too cold for anyone. The cold must have froze their brain.