Sleep. Or the lack there of. Those nights when I lie in bed wanting to fall asleep but I can’t. I toss and then I turn and then I toss some more. Nothing that I do seems to help me find that sweet spot in bed where I’m comfortable. I’m too hot and then I’m too cold and I wish I knew what the secret blend of just the right amount of blankets was. Nothing is right.
And then the house makes noises. It always makes noises. It’s just I’m getting pissed because I can’t fall asleep and every little sound jolts me back awake. The conversation in my head goes something like ..
“What was that?”
“Are you sure?”
“There it is again. Something is in the house.”
“It’s probably one of the cats.”
“Are you sure? How can you be sure?”
“Because all the doors are locked and secured.”
“Yeh. But what if it was a zombie?
“I’d shoot it with Mister 9MM.”
“Yeh but you’re in bed and not fully clothed and it is.”
“What would a zombie care if I wasn’t fully clothed? What the hell am I thinking about zombies for? I gotta quit watching “The Walking Dead” before I go to bed. Now go to sleep.”
“There it is again. I told you a zombie was in the house and you didn’t listen”
“There is no zombie in the house.”
“Oh …….. what if it’s Bigfoot?”
“Shut up brain.”